


Square K5: Dear Thor (you're still a dick)

by dracusfyre



Series: Loki Radio [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flashbacks, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, apparently I head canon that Loki is good at poker, more ravens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracusfyre/pseuds/dracusfyre
Summary: Tony writes a letter to Thor and thinks back over the years since he got soul bonded to Loki (AKA Five Things Tony Learned About Loki) For Square K5: Five Things.





	Square K5: Dear Thor (you're still a dick)

            Tony turned off his monitor and spun idly in his chair, finally admitting that he was not going to be able to concentrate on work.  There were too many thoughts spinning around his head to focus on equations right now.

            “Can you, like, carry a letter? Not just relay a verbal message?” Tony asked the raven sitting on the monitor, basking in the warm air coming off the CPU fan.  The bird quorked and fluffed its feathers, bobbing its head up and down.  “Awesome.” Tony stopped his chair and searched through his desk for a pen and a piece of paper, because writing a letter to an ancient Norse god/alien to be delivered via magic raven seemed like something that should be done by hand.

  _Dear Thor;_ Tony began, then squinted at _Dear._   He got a new sheet of paper and started over. 

_Thor;_

_I hope this letter finds you well._ Tony made a face. “Goddammit, this is why we invented computers,” he muttered and got a third sheet of paper.

 

_Thor;_

_I want to let you know that you can stop avoiding me now, I’m not mad about the thing with Loki anymore. Not saying that you don’t still owe me one or a dozen favors, not the least that another bottle of that mead you brought that one time._

_The past two year or so has been pretty interesting, to say the least.  I’ve definitely learned a lot about Loki that_ someone _didn’t bother to warn me about.  For one thing, you could have mentioned that he is a nosy bastard. I mean, seriously. He has the whole universe to screw around in and he can’t help but meddle here on Earth?_

           “Stark?”

           Tony glanced out from under the car he was tinkering with and saw Loki looking down at him expectantly.  With a sigh, Tony rolled out from under the car and wiped his hands before accepting Loki’s helping hand of the floor.  “What do you need, Loki?”

           “Do you know anything about this man?”  An illusion of a man appeared in the middle of Tony’s lab, scowling darkly out at the viewer.  He had long brown hair covered by a baseball hat and was wearing clean but worn clothes.  Tony squinted and walked around the illusion, but despite the fact that the man looked vaguely familiar Tony couldn’t place him.

           “No…JARVIS, can you run a facial recognition on it?”

            “Of course, sir.”  Loki had long ago ceased to search for the source of the disembodied voice after Tony had explained what an AI was. “No matching records in any current photo ID database, sir,” JARVIS reported after a moment.

            “Huh,” Tony said in surprise, sitting down at his computer and opening a new window.  “Where did you catch a glimpse of this guy?”

            “He’s been following Captain Rogers for ten days now but refuses to either engage or make contact.” Loki leaned against Tony’s desk and crossed his arms, drumming his fingers on his biceps thoughtfully.  “I thought at first it was an enemy, but now I’m not so sure.”

             “JARVIS, expand search to archived records, foreign databases, and all intelligence community databases,” Tony said.  He rolled around the corner of his desk so he could look Loki in the face.  “So why have you’ve been following Captain Rogers, Loki?”

            “Information is power, Stark,” Loki said with an enigmatic smile. “You never know.”

            “Loki, it is a _specific clause_ in the contract that there will be no more attempts to take over-” Tony started, but was interrupted when JARVIS announced, “Sir, I have a match.”

            Tony pointed to his eyes and pointed at Loki in an _I’m watching you_ gesture before he went to his desk to see JARVIS’s results.  Images and archived news articles appeared, showing a slightly younger version of the man clean cut and wearing a uniform.  After a moment of scanning, Tony’s eyes zeroed in on one image and expanded it.  Steve Rogers, wearing a World War II era uniform, had an arm around the man’s shoulders and they were smiling at the camera, caught in the middle of some sort of celebration.

            “James Buchanan Barnes?” Tony read aloud.  “Uh, that seems doubtful, considering it says right here that he died in 1941.”

            “Appearances would argue otherwise.”  Tony jumped when Loki spoke right in his ear.  Loki reached over him to scroll through the information on the screen.  “Clearly he was a friend and contemporary to the Captain eighty years ago, but what is he doing here now and why is he treating Rogers like an enemy?”

           “Indeed.  JARVIS, put all of this in a new file for me to look at later.” The images obligingly vanished, and Tony turned to face Loki.  “What are you planning, Loki?”

           “Why so suspicious, Stark? I’m just…curious.”  There was that goddamn mysterious smile again and then Loki was gone.

 

_On the other hand, I don’t know if it’s the contract or Loki’s own contrary nature, but there have been a few times where he was really helpful, even if it is in a “careful what you wish for” kind of way._

 

            It’s strange the way your body reacts when you get bad news, even for someone who has gotten more than his fair amount of bad news.  When Tony heard the words, “Mr. Stark, this is Officer Weber, with the Hamburg Police. I’m afraid there’s been an accident,” he felt his body go numb and his ears start to ring; his vision seemed to both sharpen and go gray as everything slowed down.  Except his heart; that was pounding hard enough to hurt. 

           Pepper was a business trip to Germany, and had taken Happy to drive her around.

            “What happened?” He managed, fumbling for his desk chair and sitting down heavily.  “Is everyone ok?”

            “Mr. Hogan and Ms. Potts are in the hospital, in stable condition.  They were driving to the Hamburg airport when someone clipped their car; Mr. Hogan lost control and they hit a retaining wall.”

            _A car accident._ Tony felt nauseous. “Ok. But, they are-”

            “They are fine, sir,” Officer Weber said, sympathy warming his clipped accent. “Ms. Potts wanted me to make sure you were notified.”

            “Thank you. Tell her I’ll be there as soon as possible.” Tony was already on his way upstairs when the line went dead, taking the steps two at a time. “Shit,” he muttered to himself. “Pepper has the jet.” He paused for a second and said, “Fuck it, I’ll take a suit,” even though he had gotten Very Stern warnings from many governments about flying it across international borders without proper authorization.  But ‘proper authorization’ pretty much meant ‘Only On Avenger’s Business,’ but what was he supposed to do, fly commercial? It would take hours for him to-

            “What’s the matter?” Tony jumped when Loki spoke, and that was the first time that he noticed Loki lounging on his couch.

            “Pepper and Happy were in an accident.  They’re in Germany, and I have to figure out the fastest way to get there without earning myself a military escort on the way.” Tony fisted his hands in his hair, trying to think. Wallet. He needed his wallet and his phone. Clothes? Nah, he could buy clothes, having a suitcase would only slow him down.

            Loki sat up, looking mildly concerned. “Are they injured?”

            “Well, they’re in the hospital, so they’re injured at least a little.” Tony took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart so he could think. Pepper would not thank him for making a mess for her to clean up later.

            He only realized he was pacing when he almost ran into Loki, who was holding a hand out expectantly. “What?” Tony said, staring at the hand and then up at Loki’s face.

            “Let me send you to Germany,” Loki said, making a _come on_ gesture with the outstretched hand.  “You’ll be there in seconds.”

            Tony hesitated for the barest moment, but he could feel Loki’s sincerity so he took his hand and sure enough, he was standing outside Hamburg hospital between one heartbeat and the next.  He blew out a relieved breath and resolved to find some way to thank Loki.

            It wasn’t until later that he realized that he didn’t have his passport, or a passport stamp, or basically anything to indicate that he was in Germany legally since he had not, in fact, gone through border control at all.  Overall though, as Tony waited in the Interior Ministry office, waiting to speak to the head of German Border Control, he had no regrets.

 

_Somewhere I heard that he’s known as the God of Lies, but that just seems like bad PR.  He doesn’t lie nearly as much as he likes people to think he does; I don’t think I’ve ever heard him tell an actual lie at all. He doesn’t even cheat at poker (I think)._

 

            As Tony’s regular poker group grumbled on their way out the door, Tony leaned his chair back on two legs and studied Loki.

            “You know, for someone known as the God of Lies, I don’t think you even bluffed through that whole game,” Tony mused. 

           “It’s more fun to give people just the right amount of information and let them lie to themselves,” Loki said with satisfaction as he stacked up his poker chips.  However much money he may have on Asgard, he had just become a millionaire on Earth in one night.  There had been a $250,000 buy-in for this particular game and Tony was the only one besides Loki walking away with any chips, mostly because he had figured out Loki’s game before anyone else.  He had even virtuously refrained from trying to cheat through the soul bond, both out of fairness and because the only information coming across Loki Radio had been the emotional equivalent of tuneless humming. “So what do I do with these?”

           “Well, I can give you the cash equivalent, unless you want to keep a bunch of plastic chips that have no inherent value.  Has there been something you’ve wanted to buy?”

           Loki shrugged and toyed with one of the chips, running it between his fingers. “This was entertaining.  Is there someplace I can do more of this?”

           Tony blinked for a long moment, lost in the mental image of Loki in Vegas or Monte Carlo.  “You know what, yes. Yes there is.  Gimme a second to change clothes, because I want to see this.”

 

 

_He is, however, aggravatingly smug and superior. Which I should have known.  How in the hell do you deal with that ‘know it all’ attitude, especially when it turns out that he’s right? Is this part of the reason why you guys fight so much?_

 

            “This Accord is a farce,” Loki said, tapping the thick document resting on Tony’s dresser. “You are one of the most powerful men on the planet. You should be dictating the rules, not having them dictated to you.”

           “First of all, I didn’t ask your opinion,” Tony said, frowning in concentration as he worked on a complicated knot in his tie.  “Second of all, I would expect nothing less from someone who grew up under an absolute monarchy.  In a democratic system I’m no more powerful than any other person.”

           Loki snorted at that and raised his eyebrow.  “Yes, I’m sure your wealth and status count for little,” he said dryly. “At least in Asgard no one suffers from poverty, starvation, or illness. Or is that part of why your political system is superior to mine? Your citizens have the freedom to die of easily preventable causes?”

           Tony scowled at Loki in the mirror.  “I didn’t say it was perfect.  Do you really think you could come in here knowing nothing about humanity and do better?”

           “Of course,” Loki said, giving Tony a condescending look. “Humans are like children. You can try to explain to them what is best but they can’t be trusted to actually do it; it is far preferable to trick them into doing what they should be doing anyway.”

           Tony rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, ok.  That’s not an option on the table here.  And remember, not trying to take over the world was a specific clause in your contract.”

           Loki airily waived the comment away. “What are Captain Rogers’ objections then?”

           “He believes that the system can’t be trusted to make the right call.  But you can't say that you're defending the system and then act like you're above the system. It can't be ‘do as I say not as I do’ because that makes you no better than any garden-variety vigilante.”

           Loki shrugged. “If that’s how you feel. It's not as if _I_ need to agree with you. Since I'm not a citizen of Earth, this agreement has no jurisdiction over me.”

           Tony turned to look at him suspiciously. “That is an extremely specific comment to add to this conversation. Who have you been talking to?”

           Loki smiled and changed the subject. “Are you bringing a suit?”

           Tony gestured to himself, straightening his cuffs. “I'm wearing a suit.”

           “I would suggest you bring something a little more robust,” Loki said, pushing himself away from the wall. “I get the feeling that there will be bloodshed before this is all over.”

 

_And you know how they say it’s always the quiet ones that surprise you?  Here I thought Bruce had a temper.  I’ve seen Loki aggravated, impatient, and cross, but there’s only been one time that I’ve seen him really lose his temper.  Gotta admit, it was pretty terrifying, even if I wasn’t on the receiving end._

 

           Steve knelt over him, eyes wild, shield raised.

           “No! _No!_ ” Tony raised his arms to protect his face, flinching as Steve brought the shield down.

           Between one moment and the next Loki appeared and caught the shield before it could fall. His eyes flared green, incandescent with rage.  He bared his teeth at Steve as the building around them shook, dust raining from the ceiling.

           “You would _dare,_ ” Loki said dangerously, ripping the shield from Steve’s hands and flinging it across the room. It barely missed Barnes and embedded itself into the wall with a sharp, echoing tone that seemed to echo absurdly long in the concrete bunker.  Steve scrambled to his feet and backed away.

           “I wasn’t-” Steve ducked and threw himself to the side as the shield came slicing through the air towards him, gouging another gash in the concrete.

           Loki took a step forward, lips flat and green light coiling tightly around his hands and arms.  He spread his hands and the concrete rippled and shook, throwing Steve off his feet.  Barnes staggered towards a fallen pistol and a flick of Loki’s fingers slammed him against the wall and kept him there.  Steve climbed to his feet again, fists raised with a look of resolution on his face.

           Loki’s eyes narrowed and turned his wrists, facing his palms towards the floor.  Steve staggered and fell as Loki’s magic forced him to his knees. “Beg for a forgiveness you do not deserve,” Loki snarled.  “And you may die quickly.” Steve let out a groan from behind clenched teeth as he fought against the force holding him down. 

           “Stop.” Tony sat up with a scrape of metal against concrete. “Loki, don’t,” he said tiredly, letting his head fall back against the concrete column.  “Just…send them away.”  When Loki nodded and raised his hands Tony added, “Somewhere on Earth. Just not here.”

           Loki’s jaw tightened as if to argue but he reluctantly complied; with a gesture Steve vanished, and then Barnes was gone a moment later. When they were alone he knelt at Tony’s side, lips pressed into a thin line as his eyes skimmed over the bruises and blood on Tony’s face.   His hands hovered over Tony as if looking for a safe place to touch while the soul bond thrummed with concern and smothered rage.

           “I’m ok,” Tony said, knowing even as he said it that he probably sounded far from ok, which was fair, because he really was. “Help me out of this, will you?”  Loki nodded and followed Tony’s instructions, fingertips skimming over damaged plates as he set them aside.

           Finally Tony was freed from the heavy weight of the armor, which had become suffocating as the systems failed, one by one.  He buried his head in his hands and sat back against the cement pillar, breathing in the frigid air, and after a minute, Loki joined him, sitting close enough that their shoulders brushed.  As they sat in silence, Tony realized that at some point over the past year, Loki’s presence had become comforting rather than aggravating.  He let himself lean against him, borrowing Loki’s strength until he felt steadier.  Eventually, he turned his head to catch Loki’s eye and held out a hand.  “Let’s go home?”

 

 _All in all, I guess what I’m saying is, I understand why you pulled a fast one over on me with regards to the terms of this agreement in order to save his life.  And not just because he's family._ Tony tapped the pen on the desk for a while, trying to figure out what to say.  _So come by when you have a chance.  We’ll have some mead and catch up._

_-Tony S_

"Good enough," Tony told the raven as he signed the letter and folded it into thirds.  He opened the top drawer to his desk, full of nuts and seeds, and let the raven eat its fill as he taped up the edges of the letter.   "Thanks, Ed," he said as the raven took the letter carefully in its beak, flapped its wings a couple of times, and disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> The raven's name is Edgar Allen Crow because this whole Tony and the ravens thing has taken on a life of its own


End file.
